tired

So I realize I haven't actually posted anything meaningful on this in a very long time. In fact, I'm not really sure I posted anything meaningful on this blog since I've started it when I was in Disney World last spring. It's weird because I always feel like I have so much to write and so much to share, yet I can never bring myself to actually open the blog and start writing. It's not like its a hard thing to do...I'm not really sure what keeps stopping me from doing it.

ugh. I'm exhausted. Mentally and physically. My entire body hurts from going out every night (I need a serious break) and also from working out with Cai everyday. The working out part is awesome..I'm really glad I've been able to be so headstrong about it and keep it up so diligently. On the other hand, the drinking and going out part is really starting to take a toll on me. Even so, I love all the people I go out with and it just compels me to want to spend time with them. Of course that leads to all sorts of crazy nights...but hey, those are the best times.

Mentally? There's a lot going on in my mind. Although a lot of times, I get tired of having so much crap overflowing my brain that I just let it go vacant. People often think that I'm in a bad mood or being super moody..but really? My mind is actually completely blank and I'm not thinking about anything. Forget a bad mood, its just a vacant expression I leave on my face because there is actually nothing in my mind. People say, "What are you thinking about?" Haha....legit..nothing. It's actually a nice place to keep your mind when you can. But when I do have to think, its hard to keep track of everything. I'm sad, happy, depressed to the point of just sitting in my room and crying, but then so excited to be where I am. I really am a people person. I depend on people to keep me happy and without them, I just settle into this abyss of ...feeling lonely. I guess its also different from being independent. It's not that I'm depending on them for everything I do, because I am still a very indepenedent person. I just always want people around me. Is that strange? Right now, I'm alone and the loneliness is definitely kicking in.

I should really just go to bed. Tomorrow will be sunny (please boston...) and it's going to be a new day. I've been listening to this song on repeat for a while. It's the song that we will be using for our video/dance project for MLK. It's a little monotonous maybe, but I feel like there is just so much happiness and meaning on the song. I love the dance....he's so happy.